You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
