A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
