Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
