Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my poor anus
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
