Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
