i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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