Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
