I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize