just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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