I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Come see our sink grown plant.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
pray to the hookup gods
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
