They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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