My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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