So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
