Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
