hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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