Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
