Its about making memories worth repressing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
