I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
