We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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