she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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