i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
