I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
