ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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