I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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