Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i think i have two assholes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
