My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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