i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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