the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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