um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
