Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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