we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
