I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
