he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
