it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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