Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They took my balls.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
