That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
