I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
