Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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