I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
