why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
