Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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