We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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