i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
