Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
