I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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