I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
