I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
