That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
