I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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