I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
