I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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