so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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