Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
