I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
