If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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