I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
