i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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