U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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