I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
