If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He better not be in your backpack
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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