even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
