nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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