Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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