Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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