I think im going to throw up on grandma
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
